..."Start spreading the news..!"

"There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams'. Then they put the box away and bring it out once in a while to look in it, and yep they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, 'How good or how bad am I?'

That's where courage comes in".

- Erma Louise Bombeck

So I'm currently at home, listening to Otis Redding "Sittin' on the dock of the bay" (forgot how good this song is!) with a bit of a mental block...it's been rather a long time since my last blog post and I feel a little bit out of practice! But feeling the need for an update....

Since my last post a lot has happened...I had my re-audition for The New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts!!

I would like to say that the audition went as amazingly well as it did last year...unfortunately I think nerves got the better of me!

Which is why I felt the above quote was really relevent, not only to me but to my future classmates at NYCDA and to anyone else who has a dream for that matter.

Having gotten onto the 2 year course last year I felt an immense sense of pressure on me to perform as good as I had done previously. Not just from outside sources but mainly from myself- I'm my own worst critic!

When you've wanted to do something for as long as you can remember its incredibly hard to gather the courage to:

"put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, how good or how bad am I?"

Which is why I would like to say a massive congratulations to everyone who auditioned this year and even more so to everyone who auditioned and who actually got into NYCDA - well done for having a dream, putting it on the line and pursuing it!

However, despite not making the grade for the 2 year course (I knew as soon as I came out of the audition that I'd messed up- fluffed my lines etc...which I know happens, but I REALLY didn't want it to happen at the biggest audition of my year!)

After the audition I will admit that I felt pretty rubbish I thought that was it, and that I would have to wait and audition the following year. Everyone kept saying the same thing: 'what will be, will be', 'everything happens for a reason' etc. which to be honest didn't really help!

But then I had a conversation with my best friend Emma, who told me 'The Maybe Story' (which is quite long but I'll be happy to elaborate on if anyone's interested!) it's really motivational and it gave me a renewed sense of ambition and hope..and to be honest I think about it whenever other aspects of my life don't go according to plan...Thanks Emma!

Not long after this conversation I got the phone call from New York and I feel really privileged to say that I've been given a second chance :) and I will be flying out to the big apple at the end of July for an intensive summer course in Acting for TV and Film with the option to audition again for the 2 year course at the end of it!!!

I'm soooo excited but can honestly say that it still hasn't sunken in yet that I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO NEW YORK!!!

The past year has been a bit of a rollercoaster trying to get funding/sponsorship/finding audition pieces etc. I would like to thank everyone particularly my family and close friends who have helped and supported me in pursuing my American Dream! I know a lot of people donated money to me for sponsorship to help towards my fees so a massive thank you to you all! :)

I don't think it will actually sink in until I'm actually on the plane and landing at JFK...and it's only a month away and there's so much to do!

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit nervous/apprehensive about travelling to a huge city that I've never been to before and on my own aswell...but this is far outweighed by the sense of excitement, achievement and adventure that I feel- I can't wait!

In other news...

I may have mentioned in my previous blog entry that I'd had a small role in a new comedy series for the BBC...this actually starts tomorrow and I'm really excited to watch it!

It's called "Lee Nelson's Well Good Show" it's on BBC3 and it starts on Thursday 10th June at 10:30pm.

Unfortunately I don't know what episode I will be in, but I was lucky enough to see Lee AKA. Simon Brodkin perform stand up, live at The Comedy Store in London recently and he was hilarious! It's well worth watching anyway as I think he's really funny but have a look out for me if you're interested (I'm in the Hugo Buzz Box sketch!)

As always thanks for reading :)

World Peace?

"Hope" is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops at all.'

-Emily Dickenson

So I think I may have succumbed to 'woman-flu', feeling pretty run down and sorry for myself but thought I'd take the time to update the blog and do something constructive between sniffles.....

So firstly some news!

Not sure at this precise moment if I feel it is good or bad...(opinions would be appreciated on this one please) but I had an e-mail last week from the organisers of Miss Great Britain asking if I would like to enter!

In 2006 I got into the finals for Miss London. I was 18 and saw it as a fun opportunity- I didn't get very far and found the whole experience a bit too 'Miss Congeniality' for me!

And yes, before you ask, some girls did use the immortal line

'And I would like...World Peace!'

when asked why they wanted to be Miss London......haha maybe that's where I went wrong.....!

Hmm...so why am I now on the Miss Great Britain website in a line up consisting of mainly wannabe glamour girls whose main aspirations in life are of becoming a footballers wife?

I just want to be quick to point out that, that's not what I think by the way, but I know that it's what most people's perception's are of these girls. And now probably of me too :(

The honest answer to this is: money! The thought of wearing a pretty dress kind of appeals too.....and...errr...world peace??!!

(Oh and also the fact that I was still going along with the Yes Man mentality when I got asked if I wanted to do it!)

I didn't realise how much money was involved in these competitions! If I were to win it, it would help me significantly in my goal of getting to New York. Plus a lot of modelling and acting agency's both here in the UK and in the US use the website as a way of finding new talent :)

For me to be able to win though, I will be counting on people's votes!

At the moment I'm not sure how this will work, more than likely it will be based on audience votes- so if people would like to come watch then I would greatly appreciate the support and it should be a fun event! You may be able to vote online although I know that there is no facility for this yet but if you would like to check out the site it is:

http://www.missgreatbritain.co.uk/

Check out my super cheesy headshot under entrants! :)

Oh and just to make it clear for people who aren't sure: I've got no interest in glamour modelling or of marrying a footballer or of becoming famous for the sake of being famous...!

Lots of people say to me, 'ah so you want to be famous? cool!'
Um actually, no. I don't want to be famous. I can't think of anything worse than having every inch of my life under constant scrutiny and I can't stand the whole celebrity culture thing! Which is why I'm slightly reluctant to compete in a competition based around shameless self promotion and the need to be 'famous'...I'm hoping that by entering I may change people's perception's of this?

I have one goal that keeps me going, and that goal is my dream.

I just want to be able to raise enough cash to get to New York- £30,000 for the first year- train at one of the best acting schools, hopefully go on to become a successful actress and eventually one day be recognised for it :)

Obviously it's going to be a lot harder than that and sometimes it feels like it's never going to happen.

But where there's a will, there's a way- right? :)

In my last post you may remember I mentioned that I had a possible investor interested in my American dream?

Well he's come back to me asking if I could set up a website purely dedicated to my plight. This is because he knows people who invest in the arts and he needs something to show them (apparently the blog just won't do)....thing is I don't have the money to get a real website made and haven't got a clue about web design! If anyone could help me with this I would be incredibly happy.... trying to raise £30,000 has never seemed so difficult!

But I still have a dream and I still have hope which gives me my motivation!

I currently have 44 days until my re-audition: so nerves, stress, excitement and panic (I need to find audition pieces!) are all starting to set in....

I would like to thank everyone as always for their messages of encouragement and support, it's these that definatly keep me going and keep me motivated! I'm still constantly sending e-mails and writing letters to people to try to get funding- often with no response, it would be so easy to give up but it's my friends and family who keep me going- massive thank you to you all!

World Peace? (If only it was that easy!)

As always thanks for reading.

Emily

My Pursuit of Happyness

"Don't ever let somebody tell you, you can't do something.

Not even me. Alright?

You got a dream, you gotta protect it.

People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you, you can't do it. You want something? Go get it. Period."

- Will Smith as Chris Gardner in The Pursuit Of Happyness.

The past week and a half has actually been the craziest for me and as strange as it sounds I kind of have this film to thank along with watching Yes Man (starring Jim Carrey).

If there's anyone that hasn't seen either of these films then I highly recommend you watch them because they're both really motivational and inspiring...and what's really strange, have kind of changed my way of thinking -the power of cinema huh!

So I watched Yes Man which you probably get the general idea, is about a guy who, whilst being completely miserable and unenthralled with life, is introduced to this new lifestyle program which involves saying 'Yes'...to everything!

...Ok so I'm not that stupid, I didn't say 'Yes' to everything haha but it does make you broaden your mind a little bit if you don't say no and don't dismiss things so easily, and this is when opportunities arise!

It might be coincidence but in the past week or so I have been approached by a fashion photographer for a shoot!

On Tuesday I acted in a short film for Channel 4- wasn't a massive part or anything but was so much fun and everyone on set was really nice! Whilst I was there it brought it home to me that people actually do this as their day job -they get paid to act everyday...to do what I love...I hope they appreciate it and more than anything I hope I can one day be one of those people!

I also have a few make-up jobs in the pipeline AND I MAY HAVE FOUND A POSSIBLE INVESTOR FOR MY NEW YORK STUDIES!!!

I'm not getting my hopes up...but fingers crossed!

I would just like to point out that it wasn't as easy as it sounds, I have had to put a lot of work into trying to get these opportunities. But I'm a firm believer of if you want something bad enough then you just have to go out and get it, because it's not going to come to you on its own...

My dream is to go to The New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts, to study there for two years, to somehow get the money to study on the course and after a LOT of hard work, one day be the successful actress I've always wanted to be.

This is my dream and I'm going to do everything I can to go get it!

On a final note I am still looking for bands/performers for the event that I will be holding (probably sometime in May in London) if anyone would like to come or knows anyone who wouldn't mind performing then please get in touch!

As always I would like to thank everyone for their support and messages :)

Much Love

Emily

Finding A Sponsor...Impossible? Improbable? Or Inevitable?

"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, they soon become inevitable".

-Christopher Reeve

- If Superman says something then it must be right! :)

I would firstly like to give a mention to my friend Tigz who is the creator of the above image which I've used, taken from her book 'The Doll Who Wanted To Live' (in which I modelled-Thanks Tigz!)

Tigz is a freelance illustrator and all round artistic genius who was recently featured in the winter edition of 'Illustration Magazine' which is sold in the Tate Modern/Britain!

She's doing really well for herself and is a pleasure to model for!

I hope 2010 brings great things for her- you can check out her blog http://www.tigzart.blogspot.com/ and website http://www.tigzrice.com/ go check out her shop- you may even find prints of me in there somewhere! :)

'The Doll Who Wanted To Live' is a picture book about a doll who being uncontent with living her life trapped inside a box with strings holding her in place, cuts through the strings herself and escapes....

Sometimes I think people- including myself sometimes- are too quick to think that something is beyond reach or impossible. Everything's possible, and when I think about it- no one has ever told me something isn't possible other than myself. We all give ourselves limitations or make excuses for no reason! This year I have made it my challenge to make anything that at first seems impossible: improbable and then eventually inevitable! Good set of rules to live by I think....Thanks Superman!

Since I got accepted by NYCDA and started this blog, I've had lots of people message me in regards to acting courses or change in their careers.

I'm extremely flattered that people are coming to me with their questions but by no means am I an expert! All I can say is- I think we should all be like the doll who wanted to live- cut through those metaphorical strings and break free from the box...could be scary at first...could also be pretty fun!

One question that lots of people ask is do you think I'm too old to start acting classes-I don't think you're ever too old to do anything, if you aim high and work hard then you'll never be disappointed and one day the impossible will become the inevitable :)

One thing at the moment that I think is taking a long time in becoming inevitable is the fundraising for my course. I am still looking for sponsors and would very much appreciate any help that anyone can offer me with this.

To get me over to New York for my first year including accomodation/fees/books etc. I need approx. £30,000....

Eeek! A lot of money I know!

Now to make it clear I'm not asking for someone to write me a cheque for this amount (although if you would like to, please make cheques payable to Miss EEA Marshall...haha!)

Maybe you know someone, who would be interested in sponsoring me, or you know of any organisations that give grants for this kind of thing- I've researched this a lot but who knows there may be one that I haven't contacted already.

Any help with this would mean a lot as I am rapidly running out of time- I have roughly seven months before I am due to start and really don't want to give up on such an amazing opportunity just because of money!

In terms of finding other ways to raise money for my course, a few people have been in touch with ideas- which has been very much appreciated, thank you!

So far it looks like the most popular thing suggested is if I hold some kind of event/party, everyone pays a set entry fee, get some live bands/DJ's and we all have a fun evening...I benefit...you benefit...its a win-win situation!!

But I definatly need a show of hands so I can get an idea of numbers-to organise venue etc.

So Question 1: Who's up for the event being in London?

Question 2: Bands/live acts- does anyone want to perform/play at my event? Or do you know of anyone who would want to use this as a place to showcase their talent/get performance experience?

(I'm sure we could organise your set to be filmed so you could use it on your/your bands website- let me know if interested!)

I would greatly appreciate everyone's help with this one!

As always thanks for reading,

Much Love,

Emily

New Year, New Challenges, Same Dream.....

"Within each of us is a hidden store of energy. Energy we can release to compete in the marathon of life.
Within each of us is a hidden store of courage.
Courage to give us the strength to face any challenge.
Within each of us is a hidden store of determination to keep us in the race when all seems lost".

-Roger Dawson

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone enjoyed the festive period!

So it's the beginning of a new year AND a new decade.

It doesn't feel like it was all that long ago that the year 2000 was upon us and we all thought we were going to be got at by the Millenium bug....but so far, so good...!

For some reason the beginning of this year has got me thinking more than most.

I'm not normally one for new year's resolutions.

Lets be honest they normally last for about the first couple of weeks or so, and we often try to make so many that we only make ourselves feel bad when we break them!

So this year, for me, it's all about challenges rather than resolutions.

Number One: Stretch myself further than I think I can go and try to achieve my goals, no matter how big or small.

Number Two: Believe in myself more- which I find increasingly hard to do.

Number Three: Never doubt, and NEVER let the inner pessimist out.

Number Four: UPDATE THE BLOG MORE OFTEN!!!! haha!

As it's the start of a new year (a time for honesty etc. etc.) I thought I'd let you into a little secret:

I almost didn't go to the New York audition last year.

I got the invite two weeks before the audition date.

Naturally I was really excited and scared.

I prepared my audition pieces.

Turned up on the day and.....couldn't go in.

Now I don't normally get nervous, and if I do then I'm pretty good at hiding it but this audition wasn't just an audition, it was more than that.

I'd been going to auditions for a good while- since I left college at 18, so almost 5 years.

I'd had a few good and fairly well paid acting/television/modelling jobs but they were few and far between.

I've also been to more rubbish castings than anyone I know!

I've been asked to do the most ridiculous things before (my friends love listening to my cringe-worthy-audition-horror-stories one involving Jeremy Edwards (Holby City/Rachel Stevens' ex)....seriously cringe-worthy!)

I was starting to think that my 'acting career' was all but a joke and for the first (and only) time I considered packing it all in and starting a serious career in fashion.

So when I got called to audition for the NYCDA, I jumped at the chance but also saw it as my make or break.

I thought I'd just go along and try to get some feedback on where I was going wrong or how to improve my technique from the people who know the acting industry better than anyone.

It was the hidden energy, courage and determination that came out that day, that got me through those doors, into the audition room and eventually gained me a place at one of the best Acting school's in the world. :)

But the challenge has really only just begun:

At the end of March I will have to go through the whole process again to try and get a place on the same course for this year as I was unable to raise enough funds to go in August 2009.

I really hope that inner energy, courage and determination come out again!

I'm finding it increasingly difficult trying to get any kind of financial help from any of the organisations/individuals that I have written to so far.

It has felt like the hardest part of the process has been trying to get the money when really it should've been getting into the school!

So any assistance with this would be greatly appreciated- if anyone knows of any organisations or people that may be willing to help me then please get in touch!

As always I would like to thank everyone for their support and I'm actually astounded at the amount of positive messages and feedback that I receive in regards to my blog- I apologise if I sometimes take a while to get back to everyone, I actually have more time on my hands at the moment so no excuses now!

On a final note:

Each year, each month and each day bring with it new challenges.

Some of us feel more challenged than most at times.

Always believe, always hope and never lose determination.

I wish everyone a very happy, healthy and fulfilled 2010!

P.S. Apparently this week in the UK we've had the most snow/worst winter weather for like 30 years! I've been lucky because I already had time off work booked, but I know lots of people haven't been able to make it in to work so everyone's been enjoying their snow days!! :)

Here's what I've been doing with mine (besides updating my blog!)

Thanks for reading! :)

Much Love,

Emily

'Somewhere In Between'

“Finding people who think the way you think. Finding people who inspire you to think beyond the way you think now. Friends who don’t let you settle. Friends who help you discover new things and who you’d like to be in the future. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?

For most artists, there is a degree of aloneness to childhood. You are the bright shining child full of ideas and art and you soon learn that not many other people see the world as you do. Hopefully, you avoided this often painful discovery. If not, you learned to dim yourself a bit in order to fit in with the rest.

Now…it’s time to shine. Stop trying to fit in. There is no need to do this anymore.” - Eileen Connolly, Faculty NYCDA.

I’ve sneakily taken these first few paragraphs from the NYCDA’S blog so my first thanks goes to them!

I found this really interesting when I read it and anyone else who is of creative mind might feel it relates to them too- I know I certainly felt that it was written for me and gives me reassurance that there are other people who think the same way as I do…a bit cliché maybe, but its motivational nonetheless...so in my entry this week I am going to go slightly transparent, just for a while, wear my heart on my sleeve and give an insight into how I really feel…well….maybe...just a little bit...!!

The past couple of weeks have been fairly busy for myself as usual but it’s also been a period of reflection for me too- particularly this week, so forgive me if I ramble as I suppose I’m using this latest entry as a ‘note to self’ but maybe others might find it interesting too :)

In relation to Eileen Connolly’s entry- unfortunately I did not ‘avoid this painful discovery’ instead I tried to fit in with my surroundings and the people around me because I was ‘different’ and was made aware of it on a regular basis. Now, as I’ve got older I’ve learnt that being different is what makes me who I am and I’m thankful that I’m not like anyone else and that I still haven’t given up on my dream and my ambition for the sake of what other people think.

I must admit though that I do find it frustrating when I talk to people who have never known what they’ve wanted to do with their lives and who have no dream. I find it quite disheartening that I can’t understand how it is for them and realise how they must feel when I talk about the things that I want to do, knowing that they can’t understand how it feels to want something as bad as I want to follow my ambition of becoming a successful movie star :)

Take for example a conversation that I had with someone this week, it went as follows:

“So the acting things really cool, I like how even though you’re working such long hours to save up and stuff that you’re still trying to get castings and meetings with agents.

I’m sooo jealous.

Ya know I’ve done some modelling but that like never really worked out…I mean it’s really competitive there’s just no point is there?

Maybe I’ll go into acting, I mean it can’t be that hard can it?

So now the New York things kinda fallen through….

(This was followed by a VERY unimpressed look from myself)

….I mean, I know you like, still wanna go and stuff- and I’m sure you will, but like, shouldn’t you be trying to get a career now? ‘Cause you’re 22- should be climbing a career ladder or something now, right??!”

The funny thing was that this person said this very innocently and I don’t believe they meant anything by it but they managed to disregard my profession and all I’ve ever wanted to do in one sentence! I do actually love it when people say things like this though, because it only makes me want to prove them wrong even more!

It also goes to show that this person will never make it if they go into the industry with that attitude- I wish them the best of luck.

I remember back when I was at college, our drama tutor at the time told us that 90% of actors are out of work….my answer to this was- so who’s to say that I won’t be in that 10%??

I know that a lot of my actor friends are getting disheartened with the lack of auditions and jobs around at the moment.

Due to the recession like most things- the entertainment industry has been hit hard :(
To these friends- keep the faith, the motivation, and we will one day be in that 10%!

So this week was pretty eventful, I had a casting for a commercial (although I can’t say which brand it was for!) But I will say that the proposed buy out fee that they are offering the chosen actress would help significantly towards my New York fund!

I’m still waiting to hear back so if everyone keeps their fingers crossed for me then I would be most grateful!

I’m still working my long 7-6 shifts at New Look which is tough but it’s all good money and I do actually like my job so it could be worse!

Still working hard on customising clothing for people- get in touch if you want anything done/made- remember Christmas is not too far off!!

And next week I have a make-up job so it’s all go at the moment, but to be honest I don’t think I’d have it any other way!!

And finally…..

In Eileen’s entry she writes:

“Finding people who think the way you think. Finding people who inspire you to think beyond the way you think now.”

It is only now, as I am writing, that I realise that in just the last 2 weeks I have seen/spent time with all the people who I count as close friends- some who I see regularly and some who I don’t see as much as I’d like, but who have all believed and never doubted me- the people who inspire me to think beyond the way I think now :)

This blog is a dedication to all of these friends and to the people who continually offer me their support, interest and encouragement, so a massive thanks to you all!

Much Love,

Emily

The dream lives on....

"If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it". - Jonathan Winters


...And swim out to it I shall!


Hello!

So I am officially the worst at updating the old blog but I have good reason for this.......now do you want the good news? Or the bad first?

Lets go for the bad....
But first a brief update for those of you who have only just started following!

Lots of you have been following my blog :)
I've been overwhelmed with the amount of interest, kind words, support and donations I have received for my big apple adventure (Thank you!)


So, The New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts amazingly offered me a place on their two year course in acting for television and film. Unfortunately I couldn't afford to go in August (I need roughly £60000 for two years!) but they very kindly offered me a place on the same course next year...however next year means January 2010....

Sadly, I wasn't one of the British winners of the £45000'000 prize money from the Euromillions jackpot the other night...think I need to pick different numbers next time..... ;) .....anyways, I won't be going in January either :(

Good news?? Ok, now for the good stuff :)

The good news is that the NYCDA have been amazingly supportive throughout (makes me want to go there even more!!)
I have been invited to re-audition in March 2010, I'm hoping that I may be able to audition for their scholorship too which would help with the money side of things.
If anyone has any advice/good audition pieces they think I could use then please get in touch!

By no means is this the end of my dream to study in New York, the people who know me best will know that I'm the most ambitious and determined lady they know ;)

I believe that persistence pays, if you want something bad enough whether it be in work, love or just life in general it will happen- just never give up on your dreams and aspirations.
Someone once told me that the only person from stopping you from doing anything is yourself... never give yourself limitations- you've got to aim high!

My dream to become a successful actress will be fufilled one day (just not as soon as I originally planned!) Once again a massive thank you to everyone who has been supporting me, I am continuing with the fundraising for next year (as advised by the school- I feel extremely privileged to have their support and just knowing that such an establishment believes in my abilities and potential as an actress is amazing in itself).


I would also like to take this opportunity to mention that very sadly, I found out yesterday that my old GCSE drama teacher from Imberhorne- Mrs Gasson- has passed away after suffering from lung cancer.

She was one of a few people that stand out to me as always being supportive of my abilities, giving me encouragement and constructive criticism in all my performances at school.

I think she played a fundemental role in me deciding on what I wanted to do as a career- despite objections from other teachers/people who thought I should consider choosing 'a real job' to aim for!
I wasn't a fan of school (who was?!)- but I loved my drama lessons :)
My thoughts go out to her family and friends.

Thank you for following, and despite being an:

11-hour-day-working-lady-who-customizes-clothes-in-her-spare-time-tries-to-get-castings-trying-to-learn-guitar-get-make-up-jobs-and-have-some-kind-of-a-life....I will try to update my blog more often :) hahaha!!

Hope you enjoyed reading :)